Five years ago today, the most amazing woman in the world walked down the wedding aisle and became my wife. I never knew how her decision to marry me would change my life forever. I have learned so many life lessons through my marriage to her; like how important it is for a husband and a wife to be properly aligned. (Previously I wrote about it in How to be a Good Husband). In her honor today I am writing a few marriage lessons I have learned.
1) Make God Your Priority
God is our Creator and Father and, as such, He intensely loves us. He is the only thing in your whole life that will never let you down.Your smarts, good looks, money, fame, power or position will all fail you sooner or later because they are temporal. When life’s pressures are increasing or your spouse is not doing all the things that you think they should, God is the one that will cause things to turn around. It will be Him that heals brokenness. It will be Him that sustains you in life’s biggest trials. It will be Him that will supply all your needs. When we put down our own will and agendas and pick up His, it is amazing how life’s circumstance don’t have to change for our mindset to be changed. I know what it is to have more money then bills and I know what it is to run out of money weeks before any paycheck is coming, I am learning how in both things you must celebrate what you have. If you do this it takes the temporal out of the eternal, meaning we were placed on earth to serve an eternal God, but if we only focus on the momentary circumstance then we lose focus on why we were placed here. We serve a faithful God and He will come through with provision.
2) Pray, Pray Often, and Pray More
Since I was a little boy, I have always prayed before meals, before bed, or in dire circumstances, my wife has shown me the importance of praying to communicate with God. I was taught early in life to pray, but having a wife who is eager for me to succeed in leading our family and my realization that my own creativity was not enough to get me to success has led me to pray. Not the kind of haphazard prayers thrown out to a distant god, but the kind of prayers that are one half of a conversation with a very near God. Prayer with the intention to listen to the communication coming back my way can cause changes to position, odds and outcomes. When we earnestly seek God with a willingness to act, He will be faithful to speak. My wife has shown me that if you build a lifestyle of prayer into your life then you will hear God more often, have passion for where God is leading you, and strengthen those that you pray for. As a husband, I badly need the supportive prayers of my godly wife. As a wife, she badly needs the loving prayers of a godly husband.
3) Put Your Spouse’s Interests First
When we were first married I would put my own interests first and mask it by saying it was in “OUR” best interest. The problem was if I was pressed on the decision or if it was a bad decision then it would be easy to see that I was just selfish. I felt horrible that we were in a partnership that heavily waited in my inability to let go of self. We were supposedly a team but I wanted me to be more comfortable then anyone else. Even as I type this I am realizing I wrongly thought that if I was happy then my wife and son would be happy as well. This is what I would use to justify my selfishness. I would internally think my wife loved me more then I loved her. She was selfless, I was selfish. Over these five years my wife has never backed away from being selfless (in fact I think she is even more selfless) and that has helped me grow more selfless. Also in Ephesians 5:25 it says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” A proper understanding of this verse has rocked my understanding of how I am supposed to treat my wife. With no thought of self, Christ was beaten, bruised, bled and died for the church. Just as Christ was selfless I too must be selfless. That is a ginormous challenge. One that five years ago I don’t think I would have been willing to complete, but today I wake up excited about how I am going to fulfill my right to love and protect my wife through dying to self constantly with Christ as my example.
4) Have Fun
Since the moment we were married, we have enjoyed a continuous adventurous party. To be quite honest, this is something we have taught each other. I think it is a cyclical process, we are constantly learning from each other how to have fun in tough situations and not to take ourselves too seriously. We try to make every day better then the the one before it. I don’t know that we are always successful but when we do we always find a way to celebrate. If I had to pick one word that would describe our marriage it would be FUN. We have bought houses, bought and sold cars, had our first son, been ordained, moved four times and many other things all the while having the most fun possible. If Christ came for us to have “life to the fullest” then why would I settle for anything less? Some people look at life as though their glass is half full, others as if their “glass is half empty”. We live our life full of faith saying our “glass is TOTALLY full”. This is not ignoring life’s circumstances or turning a blind eye to what is going on around us. Instead, it is making a point to laugh at ourselves and with each other. We make a point to find a way to laugh at the daily struggles that just grate on you. Those times where you feel like some mangy, low level demon is trying to get at you. It is just plain annoying. For us, life is too short to grit your teeth over everyday struggles. After a while you will wear your teeth away and then you are just gritting your gums (No Fun). So again, have fun with your spouse and live life to the fullest.
Thank you AnnaMarie for being my perfect match. You are a prayer warrior, a tenacious teammate, and a dream I never want to end. You are my favorite! I would pick you all over again. I hope I can make you proud that you pick me. These last five years have been amazing. I can’t wait to see where the next five takes us.
